What is Today's Definition of Dating?

This week we discussed many things about dating in today's day and age. We looked at and compared some of the dating norms from today with some of the dating norms from back when our teacher was dating. We also examined some different concepts and teachings from the book "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk." 

It was interesting to see how much things have changed with technology and our culture. Today the word dating has had its definition changed. More often than not people think that dating not only means going out on dates with someone, but it can also mean that you are exclusively seeing this person. I was speaking with one of my classmates and she was pointing out that kids dating today is even looked down upon by other kids. If one girl is going on dates with many different guys she can be shunned or disliked by other girls for doing what everyone one should. Everyone should be comfortable with going on dates, but we have this idea that once we start going on dates with someone it has to become an exclusive thing.

Van Epp in his book shows us some good ways that we can get to know and progress a relationship with someone through this R.A.M. (Relationship Attachment Model.) The R.A.M consists of five subjects, know, trust, rely, commit, and touch. This week we mostly spoke on getting to know, or staring a relationship with someone. One concept that was discussed when getting to know someone was the I+T+T+T formula, (Intimacy, Talks, Togetherness, Time). I have seen examples of how some people in my life may have skipped some steps in this formula. One example of this was my older sister. She met her husband after she had been home between semesters at Brigham Young University Idaho. She had been through some rough relationships and was ready to find the right guy. So when she announced that she was getting engaged after knowing her husband for 3 weeks we were a little worried. In this case I feel that the first “T” of the equation was skipped. How much can we really get to know someone in 3 weeks? For me it is hard to say that I truly know someone after only knowing them for three weeks! I'm happy to say that everything worked out fine, but I still think that there was a big adjustment period for them.

Something that Van Epp explains is that you should never have your "trust" meter higher than your "know" meter.  I'm sure all of us know someone, or may be guilty of trusting someone even though we didn't know them very well. One of the dangers of trusting someone too much is creating an unrealistic image of them. We create a version of them in our minds which can do no wrong. This image of them blocks out the negative things that may be happening. It rationalizes negative things making us say, “They aren’t usually like that, they might just be having a bad day.” It keeps us from seeing the patterns that are unfolding. We can’t let our feelings for a person blind us to their faults. 

There are many things that we can do to get to know others, we just have to be creative! We should try and see everyone we go out with in as many situations as possible. One exercise we did in class was make a list of three traits we would really like our future spouse to have. After you had your three things, the next step was to think of dates that would make it possible to identify those traits in the person your dating. I would highly suggest that anyone needing help with relationships read the book I mentioned in the beginning. It will help with current and future relationships!