Do We Understand Our Own Family Structure?
"Family structure" was a word that was never used in my home, and I am fairly positive that it wasn't one that many others have heard used in their own homes. However I know for a fact that many of the principles and key points that make up a family structure have been discussed daily throughout many homes.
Throughout this past week we learned about the many different family systems, subsystems, roles, rules, and structures that we may find in today's society. We studied Salvador Minuchin's theory on the family structure along with these other principles. There were also different scenarios we played out looking at how the behavior and relationship of the parents can affect a child's reaction to certain situations. I really enjoyed applying these principles in my own life and searching for ways I can use this knowledge to help my own family situation.
I noticed that no matter what it may have been, all of these things seem to connect. A story was shared that I found really interesting. There was a child who noticed that his parents and siblings were not getting along. He wasn't sure what to do to help it, but he learned at a young age that if he were to act out or do something big that grabbed their attention they would no longer be focused on whatever may be bothering them. It started off with just acting out in church, the use of foul language during a prayer or something of that sort. However he felt that if he didn't do something worse than the last time then it wouldn't have an affect. It got to the point where at 11 years old he was addicted to heroin. Obviously many might be thinking "why?" Well in his eyes even though his parents may have been angry or very concerned he said it made him happy, or feel good that they were no longer angry at each other.
It is often the case more than not that children blame themselves for their parents divorce or fighting. So some may put on themselves the role of peacemaker and try to fix the situation no matter what the method. In my family situation I found that I had a good relationship with everyone being the middle child. Sometimes my siblings would fight and I would be the one to help them see the others point of view. They were usually always the ones to come to me though which I found interesting. Even my parents come to me and feel like they can talk about different things going on with either my siblings or themselves hoping that I can help. I can clearly see my role as a peacemaker in my family, as well as the different systems, subsystems, and executive subsystems going on. My parents would more often than not tell me to keep an eye on things and make sure that everything goes smoothly when they are gone. This is even when my older siblings with their families were over.
Everyone has a different family structure and the ability to make their family structure the way they want it. It will take time but being able to see the roles that need to be filled and the rules that need to be followed can make a huge difference. Helping your children feel included and as if they have a role will also be very important. Discussing these thing and bringing out true emotions to help others understand where feelings, concerns, and hopes come from can also be a huge benefit! Communication is key in all relationships as well as efforts to help a family structure.
Throughout this past week we learned about the many different family systems, subsystems, roles, rules, and structures that we may find in today's society. We studied Salvador Minuchin's theory on the family structure along with these other principles. There were also different scenarios we played out looking at how the behavior and relationship of the parents can affect a child's reaction to certain situations. I really enjoyed applying these principles in my own life and searching for ways I can use this knowledge to help my own family situation.
I noticed that no matter what it may have been, all of these things seem to connect. A story was shared that I found really interesting. There was a child who noticed that his parents and siblings were not getting along. He wasn't sure what to do to help it, but he learned at a young age that if he were to act out or do something big that grabbed their attention they would no longer be focused on whatever may be bothering them. It started off with just acting out in church, the use of foul language during a prayer or something of that sort. However he felt that if he didn't do something worse than the last time then it wouldn't have an affect. It got to the point where at 11 years old he was addicted to heroin. Obviously many might be thinking "why?" Well in his eyes even though his parents may have been angry or very concerned he said it made him happy, or feel good that they were no longer angry at each other.
It is often the case more than not that children blame themselves for their parents divorce or fighting. So some may put on themselves the role of peacemaker and try to fix the situation no matter what the method. In my family situation I found that I had a good relationship with everyone being the middle child. Sometimes my siblings would fight and I would be the one to help them see the others point of view. They were usually always the ones to come to me though which I found interesting. Even my parents come to me and feel like they can talk about different things going on with either my siblings or themselves hoping that I can help. I can clearly see my role as a peacemaker in my family, as well as the different systems, subsystems, and executive subsystems going on. My parents would more often than not tell me to keep an eye on things and make sure that everything goes smoothly when they are gone. This is even when my older siblings with their families were over.
Everyone has a different family structure and the ability to make their family structure the way they want it. It will take time but being able to see the roles that need to be filled and the rules that need to be followed can make a huge difference. Helping your children feel included and as if they have a role will also be very important. Discussing these thing and bringing out true emotions to help others understand where feelings, concerns, and hopes come from can also be a huge benefit! Communication is key in all relationships as well as efforts to help a family structure.
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